Ancestor Veneration is one of the key elements of my craft. As a Cancer moon and the youngest child, my family is incredibly important to me. It is not something I talk about often (even with my closest friends and coven members) because the relationship we have is a deeply personal and private one. I had the full intention of beginning this series last week - I even made several posts. Every. Single. One. was deleted before it posted. I made a tiktok video for this guide - shadow banned. The message from my ancestors became very clear- proceed with extreme caution. They were not comfortable in the things I was looking to share and wanted me to sit deeply into what parts of my practice were private.
I feel much more prepared to share these things that will help YOU connect in. Everybody's ancestor work looks different, but this might be a solid place to start.
Ancestor Veneration: What is it?
Ancestor Veneration is the practice of developing a relationship with and honoring your family lineage. It is different than ancestor work, although that does come into play the deeper connection you build. Ancestor work is unpacking your family traumas, healing your family line, working to unlearn the prejudices and discriminations that come from your family, and disempowering ancestors that lived a life of bigotry. Ancestor Veneration leads the way to this work- sometimes without you even noticing.
I started working with my ancestors around 2 years ago - really diving in deep about a year ago now. At the time, I was just coming out - both as a queer person and as a witch. I felt isolated from my family as this was a huge shift from my conservative upbringing. Without giving away too much, my family has stepped into a place of acceptance and dare I say, pride in who I am. We are collectively healing from trauma. It's a beautiful thing and I believe a lot of this has to do with my ancestors. They have shown up for me in more ways than I can count- guiding me through the sore spots and showing me their support for the work that I am doing.
* Ancestor veneration does not only have to include your family. It can be a spouses family or people that felt like family. I have had my childhood best friend's grandfather come through to me. It was one of the most special experiences I have had thus far. Family is family is family.
How to Make Your First Connection:
In this video, I describe the process of making your first connection. This could look like:
Make a list of known passed on relatives that you want to honor. If you have relatives that you know were troubled in their life time, you might consider refraining from adding their names for your first time. We only want to call in helpful, compassionate guides into our space.
Light a white candle - a tea light, votive etc.
Read off the list of names that you have written down and say a prayer for each of their spirits. After you finish reading off the list, invite them in to your space.
Share a meal with your ancestors. I show a piece of bread here as that is ALWAYS a safe choice- everybody likes bread. You will eventually learn your ancestor's preferences.
I also offer a glass of water for us to share. You could offer wine. I personally share my coffee with mine on most days.The idea is to pretend as if you are sitting down with all of your passed on relatives. Food is a bonding experience.
Take a moment to just sit. I promise it is normal for this to feel incredibly awkward. Trust that you are making connection. Pay attention to your body and your mind. Aside from awkward and all the imposter syndrome... does anything else come up for you?
Grab your journal. Ask your ancestors on paper for a sign from them. Is there an angel number that comes to mind? A specific animal? A word or phrase? Go ahead and write this down. Ask out loud for your ancestors to give you this sign from them as you move about the next few days. I can almost 100% guarantee that it shows up for you. This should give you confidence- you have indeed made a connection.
This first step opens the door. It starts the process of allowing them in to your space. I can promise you that they WANT to be there. Things look different outside of this 3D reality, it's possible they have apologies they wish to send and are truly thrilled that you have made the effort to reach out.
After Your First Connection:
An ancestor altar is a beautiful and comforting thing. Mine started with a single picture and has turned into a beautiful space. After I made my first connection, things just started appearing. Rocks and antlers from my grandfather. Pictures and art from relatives I've never met. I didn't ask for these things... they just started magically appearing. My ancestors were helping me create a space they wanted to live in. This altar is where I light my candle for them, pray with them, and leave offerings. None of this is a necessity, but I do find that it helps me connect.
My pro tip: avoid having this altar in your bedroom. You don't want your family around.. well for certain special times if you catch my drift.
2. Ask around. It's rude to expect your ancestors to show up for you when you know nothing about them. If you have any living grandparents, aunts or uncles- ASK! Ask them to tell you stories about what their life was like growing up. My family has been so excited to tell me about their life and the life of their parents. I realize this isn't possible for everyone, but you might find that after opening the door- information just finds you.
3. Some tools that MIGHT be helpful:
I usually use a white or red candle for my ancestors. I light this almost daily, but you can light it as often as your choose. White is always a safe choice, but the majority of my ancestor work revolves around my root chakra space - for this reason I choose red.
Mookaite, amethyst, and clear quartz are my personal favorite crystals to have on my altar.
Rosemary, lavender (I have a lot of French in my lineage), mugwort, and pine are great herbs or incenses to burn when trying to connect. Pine is one of the oldest herbs/plants. It's likely that your ancestors are familiar with the smell and will be drawn to it.
Lavender Moon's Spirit Connect Oil. This oil was created specifically for working with spirits or ancestors. I apply this oil daily as a form of protection and a way to deepen my connection to my family line. Reach out to us for a bottle!
4. Offerings:
I leave offerings to my ancestors all the time. I almost always make sure that they have water- changing it out regularly. My ancestors are big fans of coffee. I offer this to them when I need help getting something done quickly. Wine is a great option if you are celebrating something ( a new moon-I find my ancestors are the strongest on this day or birthday) or if you are rewarding them for helping you with a task. You will discover what your ancestors prefer. An example: I once made my ancestors tea- it molded over within a day. When I approached the altar, I got a huge intuitive hit saying "no thanks, we will take the coffee." You can also use lighting a candle, saying a prayer, or singing a song as an offering. Again, this is up to you. Trust your gut and your intuition.
Final Thoughts:
My favorite resource for beginner ancestor venation is Honoring Your Ancestors by Mallorie Vaudoise. This got me started. Now, I study folklore of gods my most ancient ancestors used to venerate. It's a journey, allow it to take you. When you begin this work, you are helping to heal your family line. It takes time, but I promise it is a beautiful and fulfilling journey.
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